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Be inspired by stories of New Zealanders who've gone from hardship to freedom. Apply their wisdom, and you too can go from surviving to thriving.
Be inspired by stories of New Zealanders who've gone from hardship to freedom. Apply their wisdom, and you too can go from surviving to thriving.
24 June 2020
For Gemma, happiness was a mirage. She wanted her son to have everything she never had growing up. But every time she spent money, the happiness disappeared and sadness returned. Find out how she beat her never-ending cycle of debt and get practical tips to find joy that lasts...
READ MORESpeaking with a partner or spouse about money and debt can seem tricky, especially if it’s been a point of tension in the past.
Former CAP Debt Help client Mark, recalls that his dire financial situation was "snowballing." It almost forced the break-up of his marriage. Looking back, he now acknowledges that the best way to talk to your partner about debt is calmly, and to be “open and honest” about your situation.
“The best way to talk to your partner about debt is calmly. Be open and honest about your debt.” - Mark, debt free CAP client
If you feel in the dark about your relationship when it comes to money, you’re not alone! The Commission for Financial Capability NZ found that...
When couples don’t talk about money it can lead to problems in other areas of relationships. It’s a bit like flying a plane. Imagine flying a plane without first agreeing on a destination and without knowing how much fuel is in the tank... Flying and hoping for the best is not exactly the best formula for getting places!
Setting future goals (your destination) and coming up with a plan to get there (your fuel) will put you in control of the plane you're flying— and make you better co-pilots!
Mark and Carol we were having constant arguments about money before getting help from CAP. Each and every day, creditors were calling Mark, demanding payments on overdue loans. But things turned around when CAP created their first budget, which prioritised the family’s essentials. From that day, there was no more arguing about money.
“We thought wow! It’s quite amazing to see how you’ve got money for this and this… and if you cut back you can afford this. And everything just made sense.”
The two main things are:
1. Agreeing on goals you’d like to set together. Your goals may be how to get through this season, or they may be longer-term, like saving for retirement or a holiday. Both short-term and long-term goals are valuable places to start, and it's OK if you're not thinking long-term right now.
2. Agreeing how you’re going to achieve those goals is the next step. This includes coming up with a plan or budget, including how much you want to spend on living expenses. Attending a FREE CAP Money course is a great way to do this.
If your partner is the type who appreciates a heads-up, make sure you let them know you’d like to chat later. That will allow them to clear space in their day.
Where to talk
It’s best to find an area where you won’t be disturbed. It might be helpful to stay at home in a space that is free of distractions. Alternatively, go out somewhere. Try going for a walk and finding a park.
How to break the ice
Here are some easy ways to kickstart the conversation about debt and money with your partner:
How to talk
As Mark said earlier, it pays to be compassionate and gentle. Be sure to communicate that this isn't about blame, it’s about making a plan together.
The calmer you are, the calmer your partner is likely to be. Staying composed means you will both be able to think logically and problem-solve together. On the flipside, the more stressed or anxious you are the more likely your partner is to mirror that feeling. This could result in them becoming closed-off or defensive.
It’s important to remind each other that this is going to take effort and compromise from both of you. Getting on the same page about finances doesn't necessarily happen in one sitting. Each person will bring different attitudes about money/finances to relationships, and getting on the same page may take time.
Talking about money is now a regular pattern for Mark and Carol. As a result of this co-operation Mark and Carol have gone from surviving to thriving - they are among over 1700 New Zealanders who have reached out to CAP for free Debt Help and are now debt free.
“My future is so much brighter. Our marriage has gone from strength-to-strength! There’s no greater feeling on earth than saying YES to your kids now.”
And finally, if after speaking to your partner about money, you find that you are still over your head and worried about unmanageable debt, give CAP a call. Similarly, if you are struggling to deal with a partner in debt, don’t hesitate to get in touch.
Mark says that reaching out for free help from CAP made “all the difference”.
"I felt like I was in this massive hole and I was trying to get out, and then by calling CAP there's this ladder coming over the hole coming down to meet me. It was relieving; somebody was on our side, somebody had our backs and there was no need to be afraid anymore.”
“I used to just spend money because I thought that’s what made me happy…. I was in thousands of dollars worth of debt, and I didn’t even recognise it. I was still sad. It was making me happy, but it was only making me happy for a moment. That’s the cycle.” - Gemma
When times are tough, and money is tight, it can feel like our choices are limited: we can accept our lot and suffer on with less... or take out more debt.
We can be tempted to think that the only way to fill the feeling of emptiness is to buy more 'stuff'.
For Gemma, happiness was like a mirage - every time she spent money the thrill she experienced disappeared almost as soon as she got what she purchased. She felt like it was a never-ending cycle.
“Back then, I had this sense of sadness, which was just always feeling alone…. All I knew was that I had to live and I had to survive to be the best mother that I could be.”
"I needed Jese to have everything, because I didn’t have that growing up. I thought that happiness was having all these things.
Coming to CAP, I went on this journey that life isn’t about that.
When Gemma began her journey out of debt, she realised the most valuable things to her weren't the things that had a pricetag. "I realised I didn't even know my son."
“I went on this journey of figuring out what is it that actually makes [Jese and I] happy. And the main thing was meaningful time."
Gemma discovered a richness in the simplest of things: time with her son. It wasn't measured by her bank account, or the new item of clothing in her wardrobe, but on the joy she experienced while being with him.
Here's two starting places:
1. Make a list of what's important to you in life.
“I realised that quality time was all we wanted. I hardly ever spend money on materialistic things now, I spend it on time with Jese.”
“My discovery of joy is hiking with my family. We don't even have to hike... but just being in nature, it reminds me of God's creation and how beautiful it is. Every time I'm out here, God shows me something different about myself…”
What do you love doing? What makes you "come alive", or gives you joy?
Taking a walk in the bush? Listening to music or singing waiata? Gardening or throwing a frisbee?
Make a list of your personal 'tank-fillers' and post that list in a place where you'll see it regularly and refer to often (think: on the fridge, back of the bathroom door, car dashboard or even the homescreen on your mobile).
Then, choose one (or more) of your personal 'tank-fillers' and pop some time in your calendar to prioritize it this week!
Spending less doesn't mean you have to sacrifice quality time with people you love.
In fact, spending less can actually force you to think of ideas for connecting with friends and whānau in ways you've never tried.
Here are some examples of alternatives that you could try... or better yet, create your own!
Gemma worked long work hours to pay off her unmanageable debt, leaving her with little time to spend with her son. After calling CAP for free help, CAP created a liveable budget to allow Gemma to repay the debt using her own income.
CAP’s Debt Help service took away the money stress. This support enabled her to discover a new relationship with her son, and go from simply surviving to now thriving.
And, now Gemma has joined over 1,700 NZ CAP clients who have gone completely debt free!
"The time that [CAP] spends with each person… They really care about each person. They put a lot of time and love into each client and they did that with me from day dot! They help you with ideas and they gave me tools to budget my money wisely."
"My advice would be to prioritise your time and make family time... it’s so important. If you have a partner, go on dates. When you have children, spend one-on-one time with them. And when you’re with them, ask them questions.
One thing I love to do when Jese finishes school is to take 20 minutes and just talk about how school went that day. Kids love meaningful conversations.
And those conversations have taught us to become closer. They've taught us how to communicate. They've opened up doors that I never would've if I was still buying him all these materialistic things."
If you're finding it hard to manage your finances, please do reach out to CAP for help.
Finally, it’s important to acknowledge the difficulty of not being able to do some things right now.
But just as important; take the opportunity to gain something money can’t buy… You may just stumble into a ‘joy that lasts’!
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"I have come, that they may have life, and life to the full." - John 10:10b
When the pressure’s on and you’re short of cash, taking out a loan can seem like the best (or even only) way to go.
Money lenders make it simple…and the cash can be in your account the same day. But fast cash is often a fast road to ruin.
Sia, a mother of six, knows what it is like for debt, bills and credit cards to spiral out of control – and what that meant for providing for her family:
“I remember when my oldest girl was little, we had nothing in the cupboard. I would go rummaging in between chairs, looking for coins just so we could get some bread.”
Sia can relate to many New Zealanders who are struggling to survive in these difficult times. It was common for Sia to use debt and loans to pay for basic items.
“I would feel like I would tackle a bill, and then another bill would pop-up. I guess I was going around in circles, like a merry-go-round. I didn’t know how to get out of it. I hated it. I wondered: is this it? Is this life?”
After living for years in unmanageable debt, Sia decided to reach out to CAP’s free Debt Help service.
While she was with CAP, Sia learned vital money management principles, and that saying “no thanks” to loans is the best option - because taking out more debt only makes matters worse.
She recalls an experience where a salesperson was trying to rush her into a purchase and to get her to sign-up for in-store finance.
“[The sales person] tried to speed up the process of giving me money. And because she did it twice, I woke up and thought... what am I doing? I've got a roof over my head. I have gas in my tank. I have food. I don’t need that money.”
Before walking out of the store, Sia said:
"No, sorry… I actually don't need that money. I don't want to get a loan."
What is a debt consolidation loan?
You may have heard of something called a debt consolidation loan. This is where all your debts are taken and reduced to one “simple-to-manage” monthly payment.
Should I get a consolidation loan?
WARNING: Though there may be benefits to use these for some people, you must be aware that a consolidation loan may cost you more in the long-term. Debt Consolidation loans could be secured against an asset, such as a car, which could result in the loss of that asset if there is non-payment.
Tackling debt a better way
If you’re thinking about a debt consolidation loan the best option would be to come straight to CAP. CAP’s Debt Help service is FREE and can give you a better plan. Rather than taking on more debt, which can make the situation worse, CAP will negotiate affordable payments with each of your creditors. We'll even do our best to stop unfair interest charges, meaning you might have less to pay-off in the long run!
- Think of ways you could cut costs so you could save up and buy the item with cash.
- Look at ways that you could increase your income
- Get your money sorted taking a FREE CAP Money course. Here you will learn to budget, spend and save to reach your goals. Creating a budget is a way of getting control of your money, rather than money controlling you. Budget is not about saying "no"; it's a way to give you control over what you say "yes" to.
- If you genuinely need the item (eg. for funeral costs, car maintenance, food or rent arrears), check out workandincome.govt.nz who may be able to assist you.
- "How much am I going to have to repay in total?"
- "What will I have to pay if I fall behind on my repayments? ie. What are the default penalty fees, and what interest rates will be applied to the penalty?"
Sia is one of over 1,700 New Zealanders who called CAP for free help while in hardship… and who is now debt free!
“When I was with CAP, it felt like I had support. I had people that had my back, who believed in me. And it made the process so much easier. I didn’t like having a budget, but I knew that what I was doing never worked, so I was willing to give it a go. And it actually worked out.”
The CAP team negotiated with Sia’s creditors and created a liveable budget. Straight away, essential costs such as food and rent were no longer a worry. Sia was set up with a fair repayment plan, allowing her to pay back her loans using her own income. The CAP team supported Sia for 3.5 years, until she became completely debt free!
Sia now wants to ensure that she shares her newfound money wisdom with her children:
“I feel like I am teaching [my children] better money principles. I just hope that what I’ve learned, they will be able to pick it up and do it for their families.”
